The 5T Approach - a support system that works on every disabled person and everyone else

The 5 T approach has been designed to support supervisors and personal tutors for neurodivergent students. It is a core part of most of my inclusion training. It also works well for other disabilities, and for line managers of disabled or neurodivergent staff. And for literally everyone else. As long as you support someone, this will help.

In the following sections you will find each of the 5 Ts. Each T is structured with a “Why” section, explaining the reasoning and background, followed by a “How” section with concrete ideas and tools.

We always start with “why”. Understanding enables informed and aware action. It allows for empathy, and it empowers you to develop your own ideas and tools, tailored to your specific context.

Talk

Have an open conversation about your professional relationship, work, studies, and about how to have conversations.

(Print off a useful checklist here that will guide you through the Talk!)

Why

The one sentence you will hear again and again in inclusion and disability work is:

“Nothing About Us Without Us.”

As a minoritised group, disabled people are often spoken about, but not spoken to. Even when well-intentioned, this removes agency and therefore undermines equality. Almost all disabled students and staff have experienced this.

Having conversations about how to support someone without including them is not only disempowering — it also removes a very valuable resource: someone who has managed their condition for many years.

Many disabilities, and especially forms of neurodivergence, come with differences in communication styles and needs. These may arise from disability, from cultural or linguistic background, or from a combination of both.

That is not a problem — diversity is valuable — but to avoid misunderstanding, it needs to be discussed openly.

Predictability is calming and often essential. Making processes transparent and accessible helps everyone involved and ensures realistic expectations.

How

No matter what needs to be discussed, include the person.

Always speak to them, not about them.

Have the Talk about how you will work together:

How do we communicate?

• How often do we meet?

• In what format (in person, video, written)?

• Are shorter or longer meetings better?

• Do we need written notes or follow-ups?

• Should communication be explicit, or are hints and metaphors understood?

What can we expect from each other?

• How much time is realistically available?

• What level of feedback is expected?

• What are working hours and boundaries?

What do we need?

• Consider the needs of both parties

• Find a workable balance

Be aware that needs may not be shared immediately.
People may feel ashamed, unsure, or unsafe.

Keep talking.

The Talk is not a one-off.
Needs change. Agreements evolve. Things may not work as expected.

That’s fine. Talk again.

Language and communication

How we use language is not universal.

Even when everyone is speaking English, they may not be using it in the same way. Differences can come from:

• neurodivergence (e.g. autism, ADHD)

• cultural background

• being a non-native speaker

One of the biggest sources of friction is politeness.
Politeness is not universal — what sounds polite in one context can sound optional, vague, or even confusing in another.

1. Be direct

Example:

“May I suggest you do X?”

Many people — across cultures and neurotypes — will hear this as:
“This is a suggestion. I can ignore it.”

A British speaker, however, may mean:
“Please do X.”

To reduce ambiguity, say:

“Please do X.”

This is still polite, but much clearer.
It is also safer in a professional context, because expectations are explicit.

2. Encourage clarifying questions — and take them in good faith

Many neurodivergent people ask clarifying questions.

This is not a sign of resistance.
It is often:

• a different way of processing information

• a strategy developed from repeated misunderstanding

Take these questions seriously.

They are an attempt to get things right.

3. Check understanding explicitly

If you are not fully sure what the other person has understood, check.

For example:

“I just want to make sure we’re on the same page — is it okay if I reflect back what I think we agreed?”

Or:

“Can you tell me how you understood this, just so I can check I explained it clearly?”

This is not about testing the other person.
It is about making communication reliable.

Clear communication reduces misunderstanding, frustration, and unnecessary conflict.

It also creates a shared understanding — which is the foundation for everything else in the 5 T approach.

Trust

Why

Trust is essential.

Without trust, students or staff will not feel safe to express their needs — and without that, support cannot work.

Disabled people often have strong reasons not to trust. Many have experienced being dismissed, ridiculed, or not believed.

They need to know that you are a safe person to talk to.

How

Trust them first.

• Listen

• Empathise

• Believe them

They are the expert on their own condition.

If they say something is not accessible, take that seriously. Do not minimise it.

Trust is built through consistency:

• align your words and actions

• explain your reasoning

• acknowledge mistakes

When someone opens up, recognise what that means. It is an act of trust.

Respond accordingly.

Tailor

Why

People’s needs are different.

What works for one person may actively harm another.

We are not aiming for equality (everyone gets the same), but equity (everyone gets what they need).

This distinction matters — especially because “equality” is sometimes used to justify exclusion.

Example:

“We only offer apples so everyone gets the same.”
“I’m allergic to apples.”
“Sorry, giving you a banana would be unequal.”

This is not inclusion. It is exclusion framed as fairness.

How

Tailor your approach to the individual:

• some people need pressure, others need space

• some need frequent contact, others need quiet

• some need detailed feedback, others autonomy

There is no single correct approach.

But everyone needs to be:

• listened to

• taken seriously

• considered

Trauma

Why

Most disabled people have experienced trauma.

• bullying

• exclusion

• masking

• gaslighting

• ableist treatment

This is a structural reality.

A traumatised person may:

• react strongly to something that seems minor

• shut down

• lash out and then feel bad about it

These responses are not about you personally.

How

Recognise what is happening.

• stay calm

• de-escalate

• do not take it personally

At the same time:

You are allowed boundaries.
You have the right to dignity and safety at work.

You can remove yourself if needed.

Support can only happen from a position of safety.

If you remain grounded, it often helps the other person regulate as well.

Tea

Why

In German, there is a saying:

“Ratschläge sind auch Schläge.”
(Advice can feel like a blow.)

Even well-intended help can trigger:

• shame

• anxiety

• feelings of inadequacy

Not because your intention is wrong — but because of past experiences.

How

Think of help like offering a cup of tea.

• offer it

• offer it again

• offer alternatives

• keep it available

But:

• do not force it

• do not take refusal personally

If trust is there, people will accept support when they are ready.

Final note

The 5 T approach is not about doing things perfectly.

It is about creating conditions where people can work, study, and exist without unnecessary barriers or hidden labour.

It is simple — but not easy.

And it works.

© Claire Graf, 2026. This framework may be shared with attribution.